Joy vs. Happiness
Aug 2, 2019:
A chemo day experience.
First of all, I’m loving the fact that God is continually calling me His child today. I’m recalling Zac, my young, barista friend, mentioning this very topic this week. I’m now wondering about subliminal messaging and/or if God was prompting me to have this linger and be a prominent thought.
Joy vs. happiness is certainly a bigger deal in my life now, but only as I’ve processed out the word “happiness.” I’m being encouraged to press on with my current defining of this issue. The point being... if true, deep, consistent, complete soul+body combination of joy exists, there’s no real reason to confront the ever reaching for, searching for, longing for… happiness. The word is redundant.
The constant notion of happiness puts unnecessary pressure on moments of life. We fail to appreciate and truly live in that small, yet miraculous moment. We put levels and degrees on happiness. When we don’t reach an expectation, all sorts of words become present in our minds… failure, disappointment, sadness. We end up spending unnecessary time grasping for something far more temporary and underwhelming.
Joy encompasses a sense of thankfulness, security, peacefulness, and an outpouring of successful, sincere love, on and for others. Joy does not involve expectations of any kind. It grows and stabilizes inside your body, soul, and mind. No one, outside of you, has control of your joy. It is a gift you choose to accept in whole, and never in part or it’s not truly your joy.
The learning and maturing of it is necessary. Tears can be shed through it, as an almost immediate understanding of an imminent processing will occur.
God is addressing me today as ‘His child’ throughout this chemo ‘gifting. I’m aware of it, as I’m slightly anxious seeing possible scenarios flash before me. He’s amused knowing full well what I’m seeing, as I in turn, recognize that fact. I’m watching and listening to my reactions to these scenarios that are playing out in my mind. He is pleased that I’m finding them to be joyful, even as they are causing my heart and body to hurt. He’s aware that I fully understand that no matter what occurs, I’m in loving, comforting arms and ultimate peace. I feel a sense of total-ness...completeness. I sense a preparedness. It’s surrounding me. I feel warm, worthy, and competent. I feel like speaking right now out loud, but I can’t. Who would I talk to anyway? I’m being shown I live in joy. It can be deeper, richer, more colorful and. musical?
Joy is more of a level I live on than a feeling. However, to express it, I may need to say and define it as a feeling. I’m being reared as a child, to embrace moments, people, and relationships, as perfect. These moments are gifts, never to be seen or experienced again. Treasure the simplicity, the newness, and the pureness of engaging with people who are meant to be loved-on, as an example of God’s complete, pure love.
If we live in a state of thankfulness, a life in awe of the beauty, the inherent knowledge of learning, molding and ongoing awareness, the appreciation of the small and simple, the embracing of the different and flawed... we exist in Joy.
Happiness is just a momentary by-product of Joy. The level where you exist in joy lends you to contentment, stillness, worthiness, and a need to outpour love and forgiveness. Joy allows you to want to give grace to yourself and others.
Being instilled with Joy is a grooming to be Christlike on the level where you wear your life on this planet.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I love my life. I’m grateful this happens to me on chemo day. I’m grateful I fail to be distracted, but I’ve been shown even if I am distracted, He finds a way, even if it means writing it on the skinny blue wall in front of me as I sit in my infusion chair.
Speaking of distractions… the folks beside me are as nice as can be, probably in their early 70’s. The husband has his phone on high ring. Elderly children calling to check on mom... often. Friends come and go and are clearly hard of hearing. Food smells have been wafting in my direction all day. My beeper keeps going off 3x every half hour, indicating a bubble in the line... no bubble ever found. Miraculously, these distractions, for an extremely easily distracted me, did not hinder my day in the least. What a sense of humor God has AND He knows me so well! There was a narrow wall directly in front of me. At one point, everything He needed me to see was written on this wall. I texted myself everything I saw written on the wall. I read what I wrote when I got out to the car. Wow! There you go. . . I just crossed a line for some who will read this.
Some would think I must be asking for criticism and harsh backlash. I’m just being comfortably obedient. Before, I’d curl up in a ball for a couple of days if I got some of the harsh texts I get, regarding my writings. Now, it’s one of the funniest, most enlightening and loving comment days I get to embrace. What do I have to lose? If not bold now, then when?
A response from my young Friend:
I love and live what you wrote this morning. It was beautiful. I love being bolder and braver and living a not so “safe” life. I’m finally seeing It as mine, on my terms. I love my life, Whatever that is! Thank you for sharing that. I love you very much.
My forever friend:
I feel like I get to sit right there with you when I read these updates! Love you friend! Thank you for sharing your JOY with me today!
My response:
It’s the best day of every month. There’s like 30 “regulars” and their chemo day buddies. I seriously do take you with me. You’ve been made part of me and these days. I’m truly thankful for the unexplainable thing God is doing with me. Whenever I feel like I’m not doing enough with my life, not being brave… Colleen and Kailagh keep saying, “It’s the little things, Mom. They end up making a big difference.”
You can’t even imagine what cool things are possible. Totally unfamiliar to that box we church folks have put God in. I’ve been praying that if it be His will, that He would let you see what I see, without affliction to your body. I want everyone to see what I see. God bless you big, my friends, for your faithfulness. By the way, church is anywhere you are with God. My favorite church is smack dab in the middle of the forrest, surrounded by trees, near water. Perfect!
My sweet daughters took me to Europe. I’m there now. I’m in tears over absolute beauty and peace. I never in my life allowed myself to dream. Never thought I deserved it. But now, I know I’m the daughter of a King. The last 4 years make up for the rest of my whole life. I’m blessed. Thank you for thinking of me. I love you.