Steven’s Shirt
June 12, 2018:
The following text communication was shared with a young friend.
Me:
Heck of a day. I’d love to give you a shirt of Steven’s, my friend. Are you up for it?
My Friend:
Whew. Made me a little angry. Just like…what the heck? I wish I had Steven back. Incredible how something so mundane can affect us so much now that he's not physically with us.
Me:
I’ve been dying an emotional death all day. I’ve been clinging to his belongings. Smelling them. My heart is broken still and will always be a little broken, I guess. My Heavenly Father has sent him to me now on 4 occasions. Yet, I’m selfish. The earthly fleshly me wants to hold him. I want him to hug me. I want to watch him go off with his brothers, you, Simon, his sisters... go camping, hiking. It’s so hard for me to really want him back here though. I’ve seen where he is. It truly is... where he is and it’s good. I could never want more for my beautiful son.
Callie graciously gave us his boxes. I’m wallowing in the presence of all that was his. But never more than with that sweet boy of his. Simon loves well... already.
I miss you. I have continued to pray over you daily. I love you so much.
My young Friend:
Life... Death... Whew... No words to add to what you've shared. Thanks for always sharing with me. I love you too. Let's live every day to the fullest. We'll be gone in a breath.
Me:
Indeed. I’ve intentionally found joy in my days. So much and so many to be thankful for. This was the roughest day in a long while.
My Friend:
My heart goes out to you tonight.
Me:
Thank you so much. My heart is heavy. But I’ve got to snap out of it. It’s doing no good at all. I’m CHOOSING NOW to see the beauty in all of this rather than just my loss. It was a loss for so many. My life has changed so much since we last spoke. I’d love to catch up. I love watching how God is using me... like I’m watching someone else’s life. Thank you for caring about me.