First Chemo After My Surgery
February 15, 2017:
The following is a text I sent to a young friend.
Me:
Chemo day has been awesome so far. God is firmly encouraging me about the importance of “still time.” My son, Brian and a close friend are in my conscious awareness today. They are teaching me how to use my brain more efficiently, effectively, and most importantly, specifically. Obviously, since they're not really here, I'm getting the message that I have more control over capturing my thoughts and focusing images and insights than I give myself credit for. I need to surrender my opinions, my time and my concerns, in order to filter and be more discerning about the simple and what's truly obvious. I need to be about His business and inject myself in my little world and where He's at work, for my own good. He certainly doesn't need me, but He loves me so much, He's willing to allow me to be uncomfortable to bring me the best for me.... in my obedience. Did I just make any sense?
God is impressing on me that I've specifically asked for help with certain issues in my life. He guided my son, Kevin, to encourage prayer. He's questioning why I have abandoned the idea of praying for myself for the most part.
Whoa!
I asked. He sent an answer. I slighted the offering. He'll have none of that. I must not be discouraged by timing. It's not for me to decide. Do not be obstinate, rebellious or defiant.
Whoa! I've been holding onto those words for months, trying to rid them from my character.
Clearly I have work to do. Talk about the potter and the clay story! I'm so feeling the love and concern for me from my Heavenly Father. Oh gosh, He really is holding onto me for my dear life, literally... Is he not the most awesome?!
My young Friend’s response:
That's what I'm talking about! Preach that love-poetry-truth-story and dance away into the night of our eternal lover! If cancer compels you to such clarity and depth, maybe more of us need cancer. Oh wait- that's what's happening! ;)
Looks to me like everything is perfect!- Albeit, damn hard, haha...but beautiful.
Thank you for sharing your heart so openly Momma Donna. It's a precious gift to the rest of us living in the illusion that we aren't merely a single breath away from eternity.
Romans 12
“I'm taking my thoughts captive to make them obedient to Christ. I'm allowing God to transform me, by renewing my mind.”
Philippians 4:13.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. "
I know it takes personal discipline and commitment. I can fight my thoughts of shame, loneliness, hopelessness, unworthiness and thoughts that I'm not good enough.
I’m reading the Prayer of Jabez and 1st Chronicles right now. I'm praying boldly and BIG. I'm pleading for Him to be my Everything all the time. I'm pleading that He stays close by me and protects me from evil and pain. I desire for my cancer to be a tool by which I can serve Him well and bring glory to His name. The Holy Spirit helped me find joy IN CHRIST ALONE.
It was a truly amazing day. I'm excited and so very grateful. Wow…what a day!