God is Taking Care of Me
November 9, 2017
After my late husband’s passing, I was working with my brother in law to determine what financial resources were at my disposal. As my daughter was driving me home from chemo, I checked my voicemail. I had a message from my brother in law, explaining that he unexpectedly found a small investment fund. At this time, I had only $234 in my bank account.
If I died tomorrow or live in excruciating pain, I will NEVER stop praising this amazing God. Not so much for the blessing of money, but for being so patient with me and allowing me to surrender that burden of worry. I put my faith in His plan for me and everything about me.
$234, that’s all the money I thought I’d had. But if I worried about my financial situation, I know I’d be replacing worry with awesome thoughts God wants me to have that are precious, beautiful and so much more valuable. I have found that when I get really anxious, overwhelmed, or nearly depressed, I will talk out loud, sometimes Very loudly to God, as if He was sitting in a chair in the room. Almost immediately, thoughts or answers enter my head, as if I always knew the answers He’d equipped me with.
God used my son Kevin’s words the other day to help impress this truth to me, that God is taking care of me. My children never cease to put me in a state of awe. They’ve all been so patient with me and love me well. They’ve all taught me more than I’ve ever taught them, and now that there’s been somewhat of a role reversal, I’m feeling like a sponge. I can’t get enough of their youthful wisdom. I could never express the joy they’ve all given me. God has blessed me more than anything I thought possible on earth. The last 3 years have been excruciatingly painful and yet I’ve had joy I’ve never experienced in my 58 years. I love doing life with all of them. It’s been such an honor. I can’t even believe God chose me to bless so BIG.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for walking with me. I Love you so very much.
The following is a text conversation from the same week between a young friend and I:.
Me:
I just have to share how utterly amazing God is. I truly believe in this instance He was waiting for one thing to happen before He would show me the blessing He had always intended for me. Yesterday at the end of chemo, I made a CHOICE to surrender my worry about my finances and becoming a burden to my family.
I'm not going to tell you that the next season will be easier. But you’ll have that much more wisdom and strength in your back pocket. You’ll get layered with necessary knowledge as you press on. It’s going to be okay. You’ll be exactly who God wants you to be. Don’t be fooled by the people who seem to have it all together. We’re all lost for a time, for moments, even for whole seasons. It’s all okay. This is YOUR journey. NO ONE ELSE’S! Embrace it. Be so very thankful for every moment... good and bad. You’re being infused with the greatest God wants you to become.
My Young Friend:
Your journey weaves around mine like a thread on a grand tapestry. This very moment the great hand holds my life thread and asks if I am ready to experience life to the fullest, if I am ready to trust him. I'm afraid momma... Afraid to die. I believe at least mentally that Christ's words are true: he who tries to save his life will lose it and he who loses his life for my sake will find it.
Your story is part of my story. It is sacred to me. Every moment, precious beyond words. This moment is the true wealth everyone seeks. This very moment of being alive. Thank you for sharing your story with me.
PS. I'm going to want to talk and hear every detail of your experience! Wow!
Me:
Your words are lovely, yet anxious. I too was afraid to die. If only because I was allowing myself to miss y’all already. But God showed me how very smoothly transitional death is. Allowing me to “see” Steven just showed me peace, excitement, love and pleasure in serving and being at the feet of Jesus. No fear in that! I always wanted to leave a meaningful legacy. I see that notion now, as being prideful. I will live out all that was meant for me.
Things I’ve done, things I’ve said and what I’ve been to people will eventually fade. Christ is forever. It does folks good to know this. I must claim this boldly! If I can leave behind one small bit of truth, it’s this.