I Am a Sparrow
May 10, 2017
I had no idea that today is my last chemotherapy! I'll be in remission after this. But I'll have to go to the hospital every three months to check things out.
My platelet counts are so wacky that i've been getting these bruises all over me. I think I counted nine…and that's just the front of me that I can see. I look a bit damaged. The kids are having a dinner for me tonight to celebrate my chemo being over. I love it when we're all together. It's the best. Well, minus six of us.
For the last six months, whenever my pastors would preach concepts, principles, and scripture, it would parallel where God was guiding me in my knowledge of Him. When my children would speak truths into my life, I knew it was love and knowledge of realities shown to them by the Father. It shouldn't have surprised me when I heard my pastor mention the word “sparrow” on Sunday. I was in awe. I could have just sat there and cried. God had been impressing the sparrow on me for the last six months. My son, Brian, is right that so much in life is a metaphor….maybe everything actually.
Matthew 10:29 tells us, “Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.” Clearly, I am a sparrow.
This was just one more, of many, indications that he had been comforting and reassuring me all along. I am in the palm of His hand… Always. Doesn't it just bring you to your knees when He reveals who He is? And who He is, is radiant and breathtaking! Honestly, it's pretty difficult to do “the everyday” now, in a calm rational manner. My personality keeps me in check or it's quite likely I would make a fool of myself. I'm a crier, stable but emotional. All this to say, clearly God is not in the business of showing Himself to just Donna Powell. He longs to be known by all. He loves BIG. It is now my heart to lovingly, consistently, and daily pray for the longing for Him, to be in the stillness of His presence. The Holy Spirit is in us! We don't have to go anywhere. We just have to BE!
HE ALREADY IS WHERE WE ARE!
I now know that I don't need my chemo days to have these experiences! God used people…my pastors, strangers, family, and countless others. For me, they are angels among us.
Two and a half years ago, God impressed on my heart, three words about myself that He wanted me to consider and work out of my being. Defiant, obstinate, and rebellious. If I chose to hang onto these characteristics and not pray over them for myself, I would have missed out on the most beautiful time in my life. He knew that. He wanted what's best for me. He wanted me to trust and obey. I’ve received gold.
I thank you all for the many words of encouragement, emotional and spiritual support, prayers and just loving on me so well. My cup runneth over! Family has meant the world to me. I've appreciated all the support and encouragement. I knew all along I was in your thoughts and prayers. All those "super prayer bullets" going to God on my behalf, from Seattle to Colorado, to Florida, to Europe, to Vermont and Hawaii. Wow! Just wow. So humbling. I am the most blessed lady on the planet. Thank you, My precious treasures, for loving.
I know how all of this must sound. Like I'm a little…or a lot crazy, or craving attention. But…choose now whom you will serve! The doubters, the skeptics, the unbelievers? I'm choosing to praise, choosing to be as brave as I can be with the beauty God has just given me. I would hurt my Father's heart so much if I did any less. He took the time for ME, the sparrow. How could I not stand up against whoever or whatever makes less of this? I may take baby steps but I know, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
All of this may make a difference to just one person, but that's one more person to walk in the light of the Kingdom. Gosh, I really wouldn't want to change anything but... sometimes, I wish I was twenty again and had all the time I want…or feel I need. There's so much to do! Yes, I know, I know. God will let me do exactly what needs to be done with whatever time I have left on this planet. Indeed. It was an amazing day with my Father!